Posted by: Pastor Terry Hagedorn | July 5, 2010

PAUL SHOULD QUIT!–Apaul of Tartarus

by Apaul of Tartarus*

* Apaul of Tartarus, is the human author of the following epistles of the Noose Testament: Pro-man’s, I&II Carnalians, Galivants, Effusians, Flippantians, Confusions, I&II Thatserroneous, I&II Apathy, Fritus, Fleement, and Beshrews (Some question Apaul’s authorship of this epistle. Martin Loser sums up this debate–as well as any: “Only God knows or cares.”)

Apaul of Tartarus, to the Church Council at Jerusalem, October 67 A.D., grapes and peas to you–the best of Cain’s offering to you! Don’t you think that it is about time that you fired Paul? The man is a walking reproach to the cause! Is there no one there in Jerusalem spiritual enough to see that there are seven reasons why he should quit?

Well, Paul never was a Simon Peter. Now Peter could draw crowds! Paul has had to resort to house to house ministry! “I have shewed you, and have taught you publickly, and from house to house.” What type of a preacher doesn’t preach in a church? Preaching on street corners and public places is so demeaning to our religion! What does it say to the hoi polloi that a preacher doesn’t even get invited to preach in real places of worship? I ask you!
As you know, Paul claims to be an apostle. Many of us would dispute that claim. Some others say Paul is an evangelist–not a pastor. If that is so, then where are the big crowds for Paul? Has Paul ever filled a stadium like Gilly Brayam does?. Where are the decision cards? Where are the baptisms? Isn’t it obvious to you that “little” Paul is running on empty? He is past his prime!

If Paul is such a man of God, then why is he having so much trouble? II Corinthians 11:23-28 “Are they ministers of Christ? I speak as a fool I am more;…in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.”

If he is such a big man of God, then why do people leave him? “At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me.” II Timothy 4:16 Why couldn’t he even get along with Barnabas–the son of consolation! Can’t he compromise–a little? Does he know what “tact” is? Has he never ever heard of situational ethics? Does he need to be so confrontational? HE EVEN WITHSTOOD PETER TO THE FACE–and over a measly doctrine. Doesn’t Paul know that doctrine divides? It’s luv, L-O-V-E, that unites!

Can’t the Jerusalem Church Council Mission Board buy him a nice suit or something? What do you think that the educated–professional people–are going to think about Paul. Do you think that a banker–or any professional person–would sit under his ministry? No. They’ll go to a prestige church and sit under an eloquent speaker.
And, just what kind of an example is he for the young preachers? I tell you–it is a bad reflection on Christ and on the council!

II Corinthians 10:10, “For his letters, say they, are weighty and powerful; BUT HIS BODILY PRESENCE IS WEAK, AND HIS SPEECH CONTEMPTIBLE.” He looks BAD! And, he is B-O-R-I-N-G! Even Peter has trouble understanding everything that he is writing. Anyone can write–under inspiration of God–you’ve got to have talent to be a good public speaker.

He is stirring up more and more trouble with Rome. Mark my words. It’s going to come down on our heads–your heads. Ever heard of Nero? He is an ambitious man. He is just looking for a issue to demagogue. There’s nothing more that he would like than a excuse to get rid of Christians. And, it won’t be banishment this time–it’ll be beheading! It wouldn’t surprise me if Paul doesn’t get his fool head cut off! If his goes–yours will be next!.

Isn’t that a great testimony for Christ? A preacher with a police record. Great! Now–he’s under house arrest. Rumor is that’s going to end real soon! He won’t listen to me. Please contact him. It’s your responsibility.

[Preacher, doesn’t it make you mad that Apaul would even suggest that Paul should quit? AREN’T YOU GLAD THAT HE DIDN’T? Then why are you using some of the same lame excuses to consider quitting? DON’T YOU QUIT. Keep on keepin’ on!]


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